I don’t know about you, but when I think of vulnerability in relationships nowadays, I often think of heartbreak. The decision to be vulnerable is risky, uncertain and often leads to disappointment. At least it has for me.
I am a risk-taker by nature. I don’t mind trying new things. But if we can be honest with one another, my most recent experiences with being vulnerable had me wanting to go ball up in a corner and cry until I couldn’t anymore. Heartache will do that to you…
Generally speaking, I welcome vulnerability. I desire to display it and I feel that it is a healthy dose of being true to yourself. The problem is people often refuse to embrace this piece of life. The preference is to operate in a facade of strength and perfection, when really, you’re somewhere in between unmet needs and emotional distress. In addition to the lack of honesty, these vulnerability streets are often one-sided or a temporary investment. Often leaving one party to eat alone at the table.
So considering all of this, how do we master the art of being vulnerable in a healthy way?
Mastering Vulnerability in Relationships
Well first let’s define vulnerability, then talk about why vulnerability in relationships is important.
Brene Brown says it like this:
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.
Brene brown
I love that her definition emphasizes the upside of vulnerability. It’s pertinent to understand the benefits of vulnerability far outweigh the fear we experience when considering it.
Why Vulnerability in Relationships is Important
Vulnerability makes way for truth.
When we choose to be vulnerable, we choose to be ourselves. The choice to be who you were created to be is the ultimate definition of being true. We live in a society that constantly pushes us to be someone else; That constantly encourages us to change something about ourselves. The ability to be YOU, to be what is, in an environment that doesn’t always welcome that behavior, is as true as it gets.
Vulnerability is a conduit for connection.
When we make the decision to be seen and to show up, we make way for connection both with others and within ourselves. I’ve experienced so many short term interactions with others due to there being no desire for vulnerability. There are a lot of great people who are literally walking around with a guard up. In my head I imagine that they are walking around holding one arm straight out in front of them as to imitate a stop sign; refusing to let anyone in. The connection was restricted, the relationships lacked substance and eventually died out. We’ll touch on seasonal relationships another time, but if you’re truly desiring connection, vulnerability is key. In this case, it needs to be a two-way street.
Vulnerability helps to build comfort with self.
The more we speak about the way we feel and think, the more comfortable we become with it; the more accepting we become of it. Eventually you will get to the point of choosing self-acceptance over the opinions of others. Unfortunately, this can lead to lonely moments and seasons. Moments where we have to truly face ourselves. And often times, we choose to conform and neglect ourselves to avoid this loneliness. But friend, let me tell you. It’s necessary! Not only is it necessary, but it is also temporary. You CAN endure and you MUST endure for the betterment of you and the gift you bring to this world. It’s time to get comfortable with YOU.
So how do we master vulnerability?
First thing’s first. Exercise it!
The more you do a thing, the easier it becomes. Be intentional about putting yourself in vulnerable situations. Sounds crazy, but it works! Have those conversations, navigate those social circles, share that knowledge. You’ll begin to realize just how courageous you are and soon enough, vulnerability will be your preference.
Second, take note!
As you exercise vulnerability, you gain self-awareness. Take note on the following:
- How does being vulnerable make you feel?
- How are others responding to it?
- Is it doing what you set out for it to do?
In order to master this act, you must understand how it affects you.
Lastly, keep going! Don’t give up!
When mastering a skill, it’s easy to fall off in the building stages. We get discouraged and start to feel like “this isn’t for me.” Don’t let vulnerability be one of those temporary loves. Commit to it. No matter how hard it gets.
Helpful reads:
Brené Brown – Atlas of the Heart
You got this friend!
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