Let me tell you…. Loving YOU takes a lot of intentionality and a lot of work. I didn’t realize how hard this was for me until I had to make one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made; the decision to divorce my husband. We were married for 4 years. Overall, the marriage was good. On paper, we made sense. But when it really came down to it, emotionally we were incompatible and the emotional well-being for both of us was at risk.
It got to the point where I lost myself. I found myself managing his emotions before my own. And friend, it was a nightmare…. Logically, I couldn’t make sense of it. We did all the things….. Had the hard conversations, marriage counseling, prayer, books. But at the end of the day, we triggered one another in ways that were extremely unhealthy. I eventually came to realize that emotionally, I was completely stripped. I expended myself and was not being refueled. All of this, and then you add a new baby to the mix and a pandemic. An absolute recipe for disaster. While I’ll dig into the details of that journey another day, I want to focus here on the overarching idea of prioritizing your emotional well-being.
My marriage is one of many examples when I’ve had to prioritize my emotional well-being in order to remain stable mentally. I want to share with you a few ways to manage this part of your life. Please understand I am not an expert, but my experiences have given me insight no one could ever teach. I’ve been counseled and advised by professionals, and their teachings have also influenced my thought processes. But most importantly, my faith leads me in all of this.
Definitions
There are two terms that need to be defined when approaching this topic.
- Love – How do YOU define it?
- Emotional Well-being – What does this even mean?
For me, I choose to define love using the biblical definition.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT
However you define love, what does it look like when applied to yourself? For me, I consider the first line/verse mentioned above. “Love is patient and kind.” A part of being patient and kind to myself is prioritizing how things make me feel. It’s been said that emotions are fickle….and I agree. However, I also believe that God uses our emotions to communicate to us regarding certain aspects of ourselves. It’s a form of character development. Once we have this understanding, we can then use our emotions to our advantage.
Now, let’s define emotional well-being. According to Better.com,
Emotional well-being is the ability to produce positive emotions, moods, thoughts, and feelings, and adapt when confronted with adversity and stressful situations.
I’m sure you’re thinking “Girl, HOW?!” I know it’s much easier said than done, but I’m here to tell you it’s possible. So let’s walk through some ways to manage this space for you.
3 Ways to Manage Your Emotional Well-being
1. Take Note
AKA pay attention! Many of us lack emotional awareness and stability because we don’t know what actually makes us tick. One thing helps me to identify what contributes to my emotional well-being. That one thing is journaling. Journaling enables me to write about the things that upset me and/or bring me joy. My reflections allow me to navigate situations in a way that breaks down the process of what happened, and gives me insight on what I can do in the future to prevent and/or improve the outcome. While writing works well for me, I know it’s not for everyone. So find a way to document your awareness. This can take the form of audio clips or even videos. Whatever you need to do to track your responses, do that!
2. Create Boundaries
This one is HUGE! Once you have the awareness around what contributes to your feelings and emotions, you can then put parameters in place to help protect your emotional well-being. Your ultimate goal is to be in a place of positivity and to be able to adapt when things aren’t so great. In order to reach that goal, you have to have a strategy in place. The same way fitness professionals eat certain diets to achieve certain results, you have to be intentional about the things you are feeding yourself emotionally. Consider the music you listen to, the people you surround yourself with, the conversations you’re having, the TV shows you watch, the media you consume and the things you read. How do these things make you feel? Take note and adjust as necessary.
3. Be Relentless
Managing your emotional well-being is something only YOU can do. And that’s just the truth. You cannot rely on anyone else to do this work for you. So be relentless in fighting for yourself. You are absolutely worth it! Sometimes this calls for accountability. Let those you trust in on your journey. Prayerfully they’ll hold you to it and never let you forget who you are and what you’re going after.
So friend, let’s get it! When you have this part of your life under control, everything around you will flourish. I promise you!
Until next time,
By far, managing your emotional well-being is tough. When you have kids and other things going on, you have to be intune with their emotions and then your own become last. I’ve had to learn to put me first and as I do that, I’m able to better handle my daughters’ emotional well-being.
Yes, love this perspective! That’s been a huge focus for me as well. Can’t fill the kid’s cup if mine is empty!